Strings
by Storming Lilacs
Summary: Hiei attempts to end his life. The outcome opens both Yusuke and Kurama's eyes to the grim reality of their friend's situation. Dark themes. Kurama/Hiei.
1. Chapter 1

Hiei was screaming.

It was a terrifying sound, more enraged and desperate and hurt than any scream Yusuke had ever heard from him.

The orderlies called for help, because frankly, no one could even get close enough to administer any sedative or to make any kind of difference; they didn't know what to do, damn it, they hadn't been trained for this kind of situation. Nothing in the regulations handbook mentioned anything about a demon that was so powerful that not even the ki limiters could keep him in check.

They were understandably relieved when Yusuke arrived, brought in by none other than the Prince himself. With such a royal escort, if anyone knew what to do, surely it would be the newcomer. Which was why no one attempted to stop him as said guest approached their raging ward. That, and a fear of being burned alive.

Yusuke knew he had to act fast. Volatile and dangerous, Hiei was breaking down, losing control and unleashing more ki with each passing second with no apparent intention to stop, forcing Yusuke to power up in tandem simply to protect himself. He couldn't maneuver his way out of this one; if he waited until Hiei's ki outstripped his, there would be nothing anyone could do. So with a ferocious shout, Yusuke gathered his energy and lunged.

He managed to knock Hiei off his feet and pin his arms down his sides. That terrifying fire surrounding them abruptly receded, but Hiei gasped and twisted and struggled, trying to escape Yusuke's grasp without success. Hiei's movements became weaker. One of the nurses, a young spirit with pink hair, quickly flew to them and stabbed Hiei in the shoulder with a needle containing a clear fluid.

It was less than a half-minute before the fire demon was out cold in Yusuke's arms.

...

Kurama was more difficult to locate and more suspicious of Koenma's intentions than Yusuke was. When he finally found the fox demon and brought him to the spirit ward, Yusuke was already sitting in an empty waiting room with his head in his hands. Kurama noticed a small leather-bound book near his feet. He nodded to Koenma in a thanks, I'll handle it from here, sort of gesture and the Prince disappeared.

Yusuke was a lot more distraught than Kurama expected him to be.

"Yusuke. Care to tell me what happened?"

Yusuke didn't even look up or speak for several moments. Then:

"How..." His voice was strangled. He'd been crying.

"Yusuke-"

He looked up with bloodshot eyes. "Just how did things ever get to be this fucked up?"

Kurama approached his friend, taking the chair that materialized conveniently across from him.

"H-here." Yusuke leaned down, picked up the book at his feet and gave it to Kurama.

Kurama handled the volume gently and turned through some pages. It was presumably a diary, written in a narrow, slanted script. Kurama didn't recognize the language.

"I'm not sure what you're trying to show me."

"If I had to bet money, I'd say it's Mukuro's journal. Turn to the back few pages."

There were two unbound sheets tucked in the back. This handwriting was different than the rest: messy, uneven, and frantic. Written in the common tongue, Kurama knew with a sinking dread exactly who the words belonged to.

...

_I want to be burned - if I somehow fail to manage it myself- no ceremony, no remnants, just a simple incineration-_

_I know you would look upon me with scorn. You, born a slave, could stand proud and tall, could look down at anyone with that fucked up eye and carry more beauty and elegance and royal disdain than any queen- your name caused the strongest to tremble at its utterance and I dishonored it for failing even to die properly- You've accepted me, pushed me beyond my limits, shown me the power I could only taste in my most twisted of dreams, and still it wasn't enough - I could never be enough- I wasn't enough to save you from dying a warrior's death- I would seek out your spirit, but no afterlife exists for the weak and disgraced-_

_Yusuke - you've reigned as demon king longer than you've lived as a human, but at the core, you're still too soft for your own good- Don't be an idiot, for gods' sake, don't blame yourself, it's not worth the torture - this has spiraled out of my control for longer than you know and while I would be loathe to admit it in the past, you've been nothing but a good friend to me- I didn't want - damned if those morons aren't going to spread the news to you nevertheless - I never intended for you to find out this way -_

_Someone please tell Yukina that her selfish bastard of a brother is finally gone- I don't even expect her to believe it, not after all the times I've fucking lied to her face while she stood there, knowing who I was and letting me do it anyway- There aren't enough words for me to describe how much I regret leaving her without attempting to make amends - she's braved a fucking miserable existence in both this realm and that sorry mudball of the human plane- But this will only be yet another wound to bear which will shortly heal and fade - I'm sorry Yukina I am more sorry than you will ever know - call it a bitter irony that by the time I've stopped underestimating you and realized my own stupidity I am beyond the means to repent for it- all I ask Yukina is that you please remain as the strong courageous soul I've known you to be - I wish I could have seen you back when I still knew who I was - back when I was still strong - back when Kurama still loved me - back when your human was annoying and your garden teemed with life in the spring - back when the concept of 'being okay' didn't carry such a clusterfuck of stupid useless futile meanings – this is not who I was THIS IS WHO I WAS NOT I THIS IS NOT WHO I WAS MEANT TO BE- _

_I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT _

_AFRAID TO DIE_

_I AM NOT_

_AFRAID TO DIE_


	2. Chapter 2

(Posted the wrong doc last night, oops.)

Notes: Srsly, time for some fluff. Also, sexual content ahead.

...

Hiei stood on top of a brick building, watching the humans walking below and waiting patiently. He had a nice view of a beige stone clock tower, and according to which, it was a quarter 'till four thirty. Hiei allowed himself a small bubble of anticipation. Kurama would walking home soon.

On Mondays through Thursdays, Kurama worked most of the day in an office until five o'clock. The office was approximately nine miles north from his apartment. Thursday afternoons, however, Kurama's office work ended early and he would take a bus to this college and attend class until the evening hours. What Kurama took 'class' for Hiei didn't know and didn't particularly care; he did know that it took place in a smaller concrete building on the west side of campus. On Fridays, Kurama attended class on the north side of campus. His schedule ended at precisely at four-o'clock. And always, around this time, Kurama would walk past this brick building on his way back to the bus stop.

There he was now, in fact, rounding the corner in the company of two women. Hiei waited until just the right moment to drop down.

The startled shrieks were like music to his ears. Hiei straightened up and grinned. Kurama looked simultaneously surprised, bewildered, and best of all, like he wanted to strangle the life out of the fire demon who dropped out of nowhere in front of his ningen friends.

The women flinched when Hiei stepped forward and took Kurama's arm. "I'm kidnapping you."

"You're _what_?"

"Don't try to resist; there's nothing you can do about it."

"But - "

Oh, and this is where the magic began. Hiei took out a small blue shard from the pocket of his cloak, infusing it with a small amount of ki. Without preamble, he sliced through the air and pulled a protesting Kurama into the pseudospace.

Kurama was yelling at him the entire time they floated through the dark nothingness of the transitional dimension and into Makai.

"Kidnapping? What the _hell_, Hiei? And since when did you even have these privileges-"

Hiei burst into laughter. "You - you should have seen your face!"

"What on earth were you _doing_ back there? Do you have any idea how many people just saw us leap through that portal? Gods, for all I know someone could have called the _police_..."

For some reason, this only made Hiei laugh harder. And as much fun as he was having out of all this, it was starting to hurt.

"Ahaha... oh ... _ow_." Hiei took a moment to calm himself. "So what's the big tragedy?" he sneered. "You seemingly vanished into thin air. So what? It's not like you committed a crime."

Hiei only grinned while Kurama facepalmed.

"Hiei, that's not the point." he groaned. But he seemed to be holding back a smile. "Why the... the abduction?"

"Hn. If I knew you were going to complain this much, I wouldn't have done it." Hiei crossed his arms and scowled. "You weren't working, or sleeping, and you were done studying. I just wanted to see you, that's all."

…

Kurama was so perfectly content staying in the human world, working their jobs, attending their schools, living a perfectly _human_ life, that it was a wonder Kurama didn't become fully human himself. Hiei had a duty to his friend, and he took it seriously. He abruptly and unpredictably disrupted Kurama's mundane routine of normality, had _pissed him off,_ and made him shed the fake, stupid layers of his mortal trappings. It was Hiei's job to remind the fox demon of exactly who he was and what he was capable of.

They sparred with no weapons and a minimum of ki. It wasn't something Kurama did often, but oh, did he have the moves for it. They ricocheted off trees and cliffs and very soon they were in the wilderness. Several times Kurama planted his feet in the ground and beckoned him with a smirk ("Hiei, I am _not_ chasing after you."), and several times their smooth martial arts devolved into grappling and cheap shots as one pressed an opening to his advantage.

They hadn't been sparring very long, maybe about an hour – it was hardly enough for them to break a sweat. Hiei, in a splendid move of acrobatics, vaulted over Kurama's shoulder and was even prepared to take his own life in his hands by grabbing Kurama's hair when suddenly the other stilled and looked to the side. Hiei landed smartly on his feet.

In the dying light of sunset, the two demons paused to sense and listen.

"Do you hear that, Hiei?"

The faint but deep rhythmic pounding thundered in the distance. Hiei nodded. "Let's go check it out."

…

They traveled until the woods became sparse and they stumbled upon a small village, alive with celebration and activity. The source of the noise was a parade of demons, wearing bright costumes and tribal paint on their faces. They were beating large drums strapped to their bodies in perfect synch.

It must have been a festival, judging by the streamers and lanterns decorating the streets as far as they could see. Large banners proclaimed the divinity of Mikoshu, whom Kurama guessed was a local goddess of some specific and vital aspect of the village's economic livelihood.

So they stayed and enjoyed themselves. Hiei refused to play any of the carnival games on display, claiming they were beneath him, when Kurama knew Hiei just didn't want to risk looking ridiculous in front of a bunch of people. He couldn't say no, however, to festival cake.

There was something about the rhythmic beating of multiple drums that was thrilling to Kurama as he felt the vibrations in his own chest. The two demons found a grassy hill to sit upon as they watched the drummers and dancing performers. Hiei remarked that perhaps spirit world wouldn't be in such disarray if only Koenma's oni possessed half as much grace and Kurama's chuckle reached his green eyes, which reflected the firelight and whatever fireworks the villagers were setting off into the night sky. Kurama's smile was absolutely contagious; Hiei was secretly delighted and found himself smiling a bit, too.

When Kurama leaned in and kissed him, he didn't flinch or shove the fox away, he just held still. Kurama pulled away, still smiling, and Hiei, however confused, stood no chance against that soft look in his friend's eyes. They kissed again, this time not as chaste, but not deeply or demandingly either, just a simple taste. When they parted, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Kurama covered Hiei's hand with his, and just like earlier today Hiei allowed himself a tiny glimmer of hope as they watched the rest of the performance.

…

It was well into the night when they arrived at Kurama's apartment. Kurama had said nothing when he led them to his bedroom, but touched Hiei's hand and kissed him again, much differently than before, this time full of hunger and need, but not without restraint. Hiei submitted to his friend, wondering what miracle was happening here, wondering what madness had overtaken Kurama as they moved to the bed and shed their clothes, wondering how Kurama would react if Hiei touched him _just _so...

Kurama moaned softly; it was an exquisite sound. He could have devoted the rest of his life to getting the fox to make that sound, or at the least, the rest of the night.

But it seemed Kurama wasn't quite content to simply indulge in the attention. In a moment he switched their places and pinned Hiei down and started ravishing his neck, the unpredictable little bites here and there making Hiei tense up and pant for air.

"Relax and enjoy it, Hiei," whispered Kurama in his ear, "there's no one here but us."

Really, he was trying. Surely Kurama could see that. But he already had some pretty messed up preconceptions when it came to sex and he was responding the only way he knew how. Hiei gave a growl and arched up against the body over his. Kurama should stop holding back and take what he wanted.

So he did, rough and unapologetic, and Hiei appreciated him immensely for it. His whole body hurt with pleasure and he'd never known such passion. At his climax, he had to stifle a scream.

His body ached and he twisted in the sheets to make room as Kurama collapsed wearily beside him. He thought they were done for the night and that Kurama had fallen asleep.

The first touch of ki to the center of the spine made Hiei stiffen with shock.

Kurama heard and felt the dry gasp that escaped the demon's throat and he was reminded of his disdain for the second-rate technology of those regeneration tanks.

Hiei growled. "What are you doing?"

"Be still."

Next came his right shoulder. Left shoulder. Kurama continued to push ki into various pressure points along Hiei's back, arms, and neck. Touch, release. Touch, release.

Hiei tried his hardest to relax. Every pulse of heat flared into Hiei's muscles, making him tremble before dissipating into nothing. It had taken Hiei two attempts to gather the energy to speak; it was as if his body was fading away.

Hiei muttered, "I can't feel my limbs."

"That's the goal of this little exercise. What you're feeling is probably a confusing lack of pain."

"… Hn. Careful, Kurama." Hiei chided. "One might think you actually feel guilty for letting go of- nngh-!" He clenched his fists in the blanket at the strange, deep sting of the sudden so-called painlessness.

"Well. You certainly didn't complain. In fact, I could have _sworn_ I heard the exact opposite." Kurama smirked. "One might think you're actually trying to feed my ego."

Damn it, he was _not_ going to blush. "Of course. I know how starved it is, all alone out here in the ningenkai." Hiei expected retaliation for that dig. When there came nothing except for the final ki pulses to his back, Hiei looked over his shoulder.

Kurama grinned. "Give both of us some credit, Hiei." He settled down next to his companion and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "You would never lower yourself to unwarranted praise."

Hiei wondered if this was what it was like to feel completely safe and at ease, to be filled with the sensation of genuine happiness.


End file.
